Being a perv
Nov. 14th, 2010 09:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scallanRecently, I had a conversation on twitter, which went :
Them : Can't believe I'm sharing details of bikini line maintenance with someone I've met once, in a public forum. Such is the magic of Twitter.
Me: At least you have [people] saying that while I may be a perv, I'm not the *wrong* sort of perv :)
Them: that is presumably defined by others being harmed?
Me: Maybe. My default test is"informed consent". If all those involved know and agree, it's probably OK. If not, think further
This is a bit of a follow up, to add more thinking to the above, to explain things and possibly to justify my choices. It's incomplete, and posted mainly to get it out there
First of all, let me talk about myself. When I called myself a perv, I was sort of joking, at least in the word used, which was really a bit of short hand for"non standard sexuality", which in my case consists of a certain amount of crossdressing, BDSM (bondage, D/s [if it ever came down to it, I'd probably be submissive, rather than domme], fetish clothing), all complicated by a much lower than normal sex drive (I'm not suitable for catching unicorns, but it's close). I also have lustful thoughts about women I pass in the streets, and often desire their clothes.
The wrong sort of perv is rather hard to define."Others being harmed" is, I suppose, a good starting point, but it has a few difficulties. What do you mean by harmed? What hurts some people won't hurt others and what actually hurts is a very subjective matter. Plus there are the people who want to be hurt, physically and mentally.
My personal definition of right / wrong takes the wording, if not the idea itself, from the BDSM community -"informed consent". To me this seems a more flexible and appropriate response to the wide variety of good / bad, right / wrong decisions that we have to make.
Naturally, there are problems with this option. There are many things that are "right", but once a group gets large, it becomes almost impossible to get unanimity, and there are many "wrong" things that are believed to be right. Such is life, and you just have to do your best with what you're given.
Them : Can't believe I'm sharing details of bikini line maintenance with someone I've met once, in a public forum. Such is the magic of Twitter.
Me: At least you have [people] saying that while I may be a perv, I'm not the *wrong* sort of perv :)
Them: that is presumably defined by others being harmed?
Me: Maybe. My default test is"informed consent". If all those involved know and agree, it's probably OK. If not, think further
This is a bit of a follow up, to add more thinking to the above, to explain things and possibly to justify my choices. It's incomplete, and posted mainly to get it out there
First of all, let me talk about myself. When I called myself a perv, I was sort of joking, at least in the word used, which was really a bit of short hand for"non standard sexuality", which in my case consists of a certain amount of crossdressing, BDSM (bondage, D/s [if it ever came down to it, I'd probably be submissive, rather than domme], fetish clothing), all complicated by a much lower than normal sex drive (I'm not suitable for catching unicorns, but it's close). I also have lustful thoughts about women I pass in the streets, and often desire their clothes.
The wrong sort of perv is rather hard to define."Others being harmed" is, I suppose, a good starting point, but it has a few difficulties. What do you mean by harmed? What hurts some people won't hurt others and what actually hurts is a very subjective matter. Plus there are the people who want to be hurt, physically and mentally.
My personal definition of right / wrong takes the wording, if not the idea itself, from the BDSM community -"informed consent". To me this seems a more flexible and appropriate response to the wide variety of good / bad, right / wrong decisions that we have to make.
Naturally, there are problems with this option. There are many things that are "right", but once a group gets large, it becomes almost impossible to get unanimity, and there are many "wrong" things that are believed to be right. Such is life, and you just have to do your best with what you're given.
